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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Amman Shwei Shwei

Ø Cab Drivers know English Shwei-Shwei. And they will practice it on you. Just as you will practice your meager Arabic on them. The resulting conversation will have any bilingual individual in splits. And the driver too actually. This is right before he invites you home to meet his wife so be forewarned.

Ø Shuman Library is nowhere near Shuman Square. That is probably because Shuman Square is known as Abdun Circle. And absolutely no one other than the Royal Map Drawing Person of Jordan knows that Abdun Circle has an official name which has nothing to do with Abdun. Which is why as tourists, when you follow the map to Shuman Square, you will be completely lost and no one will have any idea as to why you’re even there. It is the same logic behind University Street which actually does have a name, Queen Rania Street. A perfectly legit name if you ask me. But it’s called University Street by all and sundry. Then why not just name it that? Good point. I’ll bring it to the attention of the Street Naming Committee who must think the world absolute wretches. They put in all this effort to name streets after numerous and one princes and princesses, and absolutely no one can name even one side street in this country. Maybe a couple of the main ones but probably not by the names the Committee picked anyway, so ya. They hate us. Much like how I hate the Gas Man (Re: Previous blog on the Gas Man). So yes, to summarize: Names lie. Don’t believe them.

Ø If you want to keep your nationality a secret, especially if you’re wandering the streets of a Muslim country right after a pastor from yonder homeland has threatened to burn the Koran, make sure you go with a country whose language you speak fluently without an American accent or are sure does not exist. Because if you think France a safe bet, be forewarned, the man in charge of the tiny street stall in downtown Amman probably speaks better French than you and in a more authentic accent to boot. So if you’d rather never call yourself Canadian, go with a country as random as say Eritrea because honestly, who speaks Tigrinya other than a fellow Eritrean?

Ø The Simpsons is a national past time. Especially for children. Even the ones who don’t really speak English. It’s the best way to keep antsy, hungry cranky children quite during Ramadan. Switch on The Simpsons or pop in the movie & there will be peace again in this world. This obsession does have its downside too however. Most children you meet who are trying to learn to speak English will speak with a distinct Homer Simpson accent. It is the tragic way of the world. But at least it’s not the little rude baby from Family Guy. Hooey? Whatever. Be grateful for small mercies, I say.

Ø Recycling is so last season. The concept is alien. But then again it is not. The yogurt container might eventually be thrown away but it will be used to store food in for at least 2 weeks before that or until the plastic starts melting inside. And food is never thrown away. And water is scarce anyway so that is used with great restraint. So yes, recycling might not exist American style but it is there in some form or the other.

Ø The king is omnipresent. Truly. Every building has a picture. Or flags to indicate he’d been there. And his grandfather’s room for one night is enough to cordon off the room as a historical artifact for eternity. God Save The King.

3 comments:

  1. Not bad, at all..Write more. Works in lieu of your promised e-mails :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sporus! I'm so glad I found this!! Keep posting, its wonderfully entertaining!!

    ReplyDelete